I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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