If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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