One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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