The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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