Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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