awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
