There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
