i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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