lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
