Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
