I wish I could teleport
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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