Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
