I'm so fucking centered right now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
