Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
