Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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