I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
