Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
