I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
