I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
