Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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