I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
