i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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