I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
