I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
