I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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