Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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