As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
