Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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