my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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