just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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