You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
