since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
