What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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