Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
