I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
