if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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