I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
