My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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