If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
