i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
