You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
