I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
