This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
