I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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