I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
