drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
