I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish my penis had a tongue
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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