He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
