Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
