Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
