WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
