is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
