I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
