I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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