sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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