I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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