I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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