My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
