I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
