tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dear god my vagina.
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