If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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