I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
